Anthony Jarrod Barkley
by Vol lady
Summary: Set a few months after "His Last Secret." Nick and Nancy's baby arrives but there are complications.
1. Chapter 1

Anthony Jarrod Barkley

Chapter 1

April 1882

It was a cool April morning when Nick Barkley was thrown out of his bedroom by his mother and Maggie Barkley, Jarrod's widow who lived at the mansion now with her son J.J. Maggie hustled him down into the living room. Ciego had been sent to town for the doctor, and another hand sent to the Wheelers to get Audra here. Yet another hand was sent to the Grove to fetch Heath and Suzanne.

Nancy's baby was coming.

Silas had coffee and ham and biscuits ready and brought them on a large tray to the living room. He set it down on the coffee table there and said to a pacing Nick, "Now, Mr. Nick, you have something to eat and just relax. These ladies know what they're doin'."

"Silas is right, Nick," Maggie said. "We had this all worked out two months ago."

Nancy's cries screamed out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Nick kept trying to run up there, but Maggie held him back. Just as she was wishing that J.J., by some miracle, would sleep through this, he began to wail. Silas nodded that he would take charge of Nick, and Maggie ran back up to her bedroom to fetch her son.

Nick paced and worried. Nancy sounded so terrible. How could having a baby be so terrible for a woman? Why did she have to suffer so badly, just to bring a new life into this world? It should be easier. It should be easier than anything else in the world.

Nancy cried out again. Nick headed for the stairs again, escaping Silas's grasp, but Maggie met him at the foot of the stairs and immediately put a crying J.J. into his arms to keep them both occupied.

"I need to get him some breakfast, Nick," Maggie said. "You hold onto him for me. Sit down in the living room and rock him, please."

Maggie went off to the kitchen, and Nick blankly did as he was told. He sat on the settee and rocked J.J., and it calmed both of them down. Nick kept talking to his nephew, "Just take it easy, J.J. Nothing bad is happening. In a little bit, you'll have a new cousin and I'll – " Nick realized it and was stunned for a moment. "And I'll be a father."

Not just an uncle now to J.J. and Audra's daughter Victoria Marie. A father, to his own child – either Anthony Jarrod for Nancy's late father and Nick's late older brother, or Mary Anne, for Nancy's late mother. A person, a real, tiny person. A new Barkley.

J.J., now 18 months old, began to wriggle to be let down, but Nick kept hold of him. "Mind your manners, now, little man. You have to cooperate and keep still. There's enough craziness going on upstairs."

Nancy cried out louder than ever, so loud that J.J. began to cry again. Nick found tears coming to his own eyes. Was Nancy all right? What if she wasn't? What if the baby was in trouble? What if they were both in trouble? Where the hell was the doctor?

But then Nick heard a baby cry, loud and kind of angry. Nick stood up, longing to go up there. The baby was crying and crying but Nancy was silent now. What was happening?

Maggie came in from the kitchen. "Silas is taking care of some food for J.J.," she said, looking upstairs. She smiled at the sound of the baby crying. "Well, sounds like we have someone new in the fold."

But Nick still looked stricken. Why wasn't he hearing Nancy anymore? Not a sound from Nancy. He handed J.J. to Maggie. "I'm going up there."

Maggie got in front of him. "Nick, there's no place for you up there right now. Your mother has things in hand."

"I gotta know if Nancy's all right."

"Your mother should be down in a few minutes. Don't go getting in her way right now."

"Maggie, I'm going crazy – "

"I know you are, but try to be patient a bit longer. That baby came very fast."

Nick took J.J. back. "Then you go up. Help my mother. See that Nancy is all right."

"All right," Maggie said and hurried up the stairs.

Nick stood, holding J.J., rubbing his back to sooth him. He prayed Maggie would come down fast and tell him everything was all right. He didn't know how long he could keep being patient.

It was still several minutes before Maggie came down. She had tiny bundle in her arms, a quiet bundle. Maggie had tears in her eyes.

 _No –_ Nick thought.

Maggie brought the bundle down to Nick. Nick put J.J. down on the floor and took the bundle from Maggie. Maggie said, "This is Anthony Jarrod Barkley, Nick."

Nick looked at the tiny face and the tiny hands grabbing onto the blanket he was wrapped in. For a moment, Nick was just mesmerized. His head was whirling around. Then, he had to ask. "Nancy?"

Maggie took hold of Nick's hand and squeezed. "She needs the doctor, Nick. She's all right for now, but she needs the doctor."

"Why? What's wrong?!"

"She had a fast delivery, but it was rough. Your mother is taking good care of her, but she needs the doctor."

"I want to see her – "

"That's not a good idea. Let your mother take care of her. You don't want to get in the way."

Nick was nearly frantic. He forgot entirely that he was holding his son until the baby began to squirm and cry again. Nick jostled him, but he couldn't bring himself to look at him. Suddenly, all affection he might have felt for this child of his was gone. Suddenly, this squirming bundle only meant disaster because of what he'd done to Nancy. Nick didn't know what to do, what to think, what to feel.

Maggie had kept her hand on his hand, but she had to let go for a moment to pick J.J. up, and when she did, Nick got by her and went for the stairs. In a moment he was outside his bedroom door – and he couldn't go in. He could only stand there helplessly.

Maggie and J.J. were beside him quickly. "Nick, don't go in there," Maggie said.

It was still silent in there. Nick began to tremble.

Victoria heard them in the hall and came out. She looked worried.

"What's happening?" Nick asked. "How's Nancy? Is she all right?"

Victoria took hold of Nick's hand. "She's all right, but she's had a rough time of it, Nick. She's lost a lot of blood, and she's very, very weak. She needs to see the doctor and she shouldn't be disturbed until she does."

"I need to see her."

"Nick, she's not awake. You need to leave her be until the doctor comes. I'm sorry, but it's critical we leave her as still and undisturbed as possible."

Nick felt every bit of his soul wash out of him and drop to the floor. Breathing heavily, he turned away from his mother and sister-in-law, and he looked at the baby in his arms, squirming and crying, sounding more like a kitten than a baby.

And Nick hated that baby.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Maggie got Nick to go back downstairs with the baby. Nick obeyed, but just paced the living room, holding his son but paying no attention to him at all. Anthony Jarrod would cry a little, then stop, then cry a little more. Maggie put J.J. down and let him totter around and offered to take Anthony Jarrod, but Nick would not give him up. He just shook his head and paced.

Maggie could see his anger growing, getting more visible in his face every moment. Nick continued to jostle his son when he cried, but his anger frightened Maggie. A newborn should not be held by an angry man. A newborn should have his first minutes of life in the arms of someone calm, gentle. It should be his mother, but that wasn't possible. Nancy was in no condition, not yet. But he shouldn't be in the arms of an angry father.

"Nick, let me have him," Maggie tried again.

Nick shook his head and held on to the baby, maybe too tightly.

He didn't know how long it had been, but the doctor finally came, and Audra and Heath and Suzanne not long after. The doctor had gone straight up to the bedroom. Audra followed along, but Heath and Suzanne stayed with Nick and Maggie. Heath and Suzanne could tell by the pleading in Maggie's eyes and the anger in Nick's that things were not going well anywhere in this house.

Heath took a look at the baby Nick held, while Nick just kept his eyes glued on the upstairs landing. "A boy?" Heath asked.

Maggie answered when Nick didn't. "Anthony Jarrod, for Nancy's father and for Jarrod."

"He's a handsome little man," Heath said.

Nick didn't even seem to hear him.

Suzanne tried. "Nick, why don't you let me hold him while you eat some of these sandwiches? You must be starving."

Nick just shook his head.

It seemed like a long, long time that they just stayed there in the living room together, waiting. No one spoke any more. J.J. tottered around and ate a biscuit. The baby cried and then stopped, then cried and then stopped. Nick ignored him, just held him.

Finally, the doctor came back down. Victoria and Audra did not. His head was down as he came into the living room, but he spoke up right away. "Nancy's very weak but fairly stable. She's just lost a lot of blood, Nick. I can't risk a transfusion. I want to get some broth into her – your mother and sister will take care of that."

"Is she awake? Can I see her?" Nick asked.

The doctor nodded. "You need to take the baby to her, let him feed. It'll be all right, but don't tax her. She can't take it."

Nick nodded and went up the stairs.

"He's in a bad way, Doc," Heath said. "Is Nancy gonna be all right?"

The doctor shook his head. "I don't know. If we can get broth into her and keep her from hemorrhaging again, she should be all right, but it's going to take time. You need to get a wet nurse and get her in here fast. I'll head back to town and get Mrs. McCarthy over here, if it's all right."

"Do whatever you need to do," Heath said. "I'll get Nick through this."

The doctor nodded. "I'll be back at the end of the day. We should have a better idea of how things are going to go by then."

Maggie walked the doctor to the door as Suzanne dissolved in tears in her husband's arms.

Upstairs, Nick walked quietly into his bedroom. He saw bloody sheets and towels on the floor, but Nancy was resting in bed, covered with a clean blanket. Victoria was beside her, as was Audra. Victoria came to Nick and quickly took the baby from him. "This little guy needs to eat," she said.

Nick watched as Victoria placed Anthony Jarrod into his drowsy mother's arms. Nancy smiled as Victoria uncovered her breast and Anthony Jarrod latched on. Nick finally felt himself smile, to see his wife's pale face smile at their son. Nick came closer, knelt beside the bed, and ran his hand over his wife's hair.

"He's beautiful," Nick said. "You're beautiful."

"I'm tired," she said. "I'm going to go to sleep with him right here."

"You go ahead. You have a lot of people to take care of you. Mother and Audra will stay with you for now. I won't be far away."

"No fence fixing today?"

Nick laughed a little. "No fence fixing today."

Nancy began to fade off into sleep. "Get something to eat. You're grouchy when you don't eat."

She was asleep again. Nick stood up, and took his mother into his arms. He began to cry and tried hard to hold it back. "It's all right," Victoria said, stroking his back. "Everything will be fine. Go do what your wife told you to."

Nick wandered back out into the hall, down the stairs and into the living room. He sat down on the settee, where Maggie poured him some coffee and handed him a sandwich. He just held the sandwich for a while. "She's so pale," he said. "She couldn't stay awake."

"Eat something," Heath said. "She's gonna be all right. Your son is eating. You should eat, too."

 _My son,_ Nick thought. _I don't want him. I want Nancy._

XXXXXX

Nick wandered the house aimlessly after he got some food and coffee into him. Heath followed along, mostly at a few steps' distance. Maggie and Suzanne helped Silas get food together for the women upstairs, helped get broth to Nancy, helped keep Nick and Heath fed. But everyone was moving as if in a nightmare. Even the men outside were keeping eerily quiet, all day long.

Maggie spelled Audra at Nancy's side in the afternoon, but Victoria refused to leave. Nancy kept dozing off, but she would wake up when the baby cried. Victoria had placed Anthony Jarrod into the cradle that his father and his aunt and all his uncles and cousins had used when they were newborns, but each time he would cry and Nancy would wake, Victoria would lift him out and give him to Nancy. Nancy was gentle. She cooed even as she was fighting to stay awake. She kept her son fed, and when he was finished, she would take a little more broth herself.

It was mid-afternoon before she asked to see Nick again. Maggie went downstairs to get him but it took her a few minutes to find him. He and Heath were mindlessly shooting pool in the library. Nick put his cue down right away and ran upstairs.

Nancy looked a little better. She was still terribly pale, but there was a bit more sparkle in her eyes when she looked up at him. Anthony Jarrod was at her breast. Pale as she was, she still looked beautiful to her husband. Nick knelt down beside her, and he looked at his son.

"He eats as much as you do," Nancy said. "The doctor is supposed to send a wet nurse over."

Nick said, "She's not here yet. When she is, she can take over and let you rest."

"Oh, this isn't taxing at all," Nancy said. "This is very comforting. I'm sorry I'm scaring you so much."

Nick touched her hair and started to cry. "No, no, you have nothing to apologize for. You brought this little guy into the world successfully."

"He's not so little, as newborns go. Not as big as J.J. was, but not so little either. Nick – I know you. I know you're angry. Please don't be angry with Tony."

Nick smiled. "Tony. I like that nickname."

"It was my father's. Please, Nick, don't blame him for any of this. He's innocent. He needs his father. He needs his father to love him."

Nick still found it hard to feel that way. He looked at the baby and wasn't sure how he felt now.

"Think about all the days ahead that you'll teach him how to ride, how to herd cattle, how to fix fences."

Nick chuckled. He could begin to picture those days. He remembered how his father had taught him how to be a rancher, and he remembered how much he treasured those moments. He began to want to give them to this little boy, this Anthony Jarrod Barkley. His son.

"I'll teach him well," Nick said. "I'll teach him everything he needs to know and then some."

Nancy smiled. Nick leaned forward and kissed her. Behind him, Victoria began to cry.

Nancy fell asleep again. Nick ran his hand over her hair. "I'll teach him well," Nick said quietly, then he stood up and faced his mother, wiping the wetness off his face. "I want to stay here with them, Mother."

Victoria nodded. "I'll stay, too."

Nick held his mother and kissed her forehead.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Mrs. McCarthy, the wet nurse, arrived when it was nearly four o'clock in the afternoon. Victoria and Nick were with Nancy and the baby when Maggie came up to tell them she was there. Nick hardly seemed to hear her. He was beside his wife, holding her hand, watching her sleep.

Victoria lifted the baby out of the cradle and gave him to Maggie. "He's just about ready to be fed again," Victoria said. "Keep him down there for now – send Heath up for the cradle."

Maggie nodded and took Anthony Jarrod down to the wet nurse. Mrs. McCarthy was a sturdy farmer's wife, in her late 20s, who had just weaned her fourth child. Maggie handed her the baby, and her face lit up like the sun. After all the worried faces around here, it was wonderful to see, and the baby opened his eyes and responded to it right away. He watched her and watched her as she talked to him. Maggie led them to the library for some privacy.

Maggie sent Heath for the cradle. He got his first look at Nancy, and another look at Nick. Nancy looked like death warmed over, and Nick looked like he was in a trance. Heath gave Victoria a kiss on her forehead. "You sure you don't want someone to spell you?" Heath asked.

Victoria shook her head. "I'm where I need to be."

Heath took the cradle down to the living room. "How is Nancy?" Suzanne asked.

Heath shook his head. "I don't know."

Silas took more broth up to the bedroom, and Nick got Nancy to take a good bit of it.

"That's good," Victoria said. "She's eating more. That's good."

Nancy murmured, "I'm going to be all right. I just need to rest. Where is the baby?"

"The wet nurse is here, she took him downstairs," Nick said. "Don't you worry about him. He's got aunts and uncles all over the place looking after him."

Nancy looked at Nick and smiled, raising her hand to his cheek. "He looks like you."

"God help him, then," Nick said with a small laugh.

Nancy fell asleep again. Nick rested his head against the bed beside her, never letting go of her hand.

XXXXX

The doctor came at about five and ran Nick out of the room again. He went down to the living room, exhausted, and collapsed onto the settee. Suzanne immediately brought him fresh coffee and a ham and biscuit sandwich. "Eat," she said, and then she took some food upstairs, and to see if she could help Victoria, Maggie, and Audra with the doctor there.

Nick shook his head.

"Eat now, Nick," Heath ordered. "Right now, or I'll force feed you."

Nick gave him a half-serious "try it" look, but he ate and he drank some coffee.

It wasn't too long before the doctor came back down. He was smiling. Nick jumped to his feet.

"She's coming right along," the doctor said. "No more hemorrhaging. Her color is coming back. Now, Nick, she's going to have to stay in bed for quite a while – no excitement, no getting up for any reason. You'll have to help her take care of her personal needs, and you'll have to help her keep the stitches I put in clean. Your mother can't do all that herself, and Maggie has J.J. to chase around."

Nick nodded. "I'll take care of her. You think she's going to be all right?"

"If she stays still, takes the broth and the stitches are kept cleen, she'll be fine, but she'll be weak for quite a while. Don't expect her to do your laundry for a good six to eight weeks."

"I'll take care of her," Nick repeated.

The doctor said, "Now where is that baby?"

"In the library – Mrs. McCarthy is feeding him," Heath said.

The doctor went into the library. Nick sagged back down onto the settee, and Heath sat down beside him.

"There, you don't need to worry so much," Heath said, putting his hand on Nick's back.

Nick looked up, his face full of tears. "Heath, I swear to God, if I lost her because of this baby, I'd never forgive myself."

"You're not gonna lose her, Nick," Heath said.

Nick looked at him. "She's the best thing that ever happened to me, Heath. I know I was an idiot to wait so long to ask her to marry me. I don't know why she said yes."

"Because she knows you love her. That's what a woman needs the most, somebody she knows she can count on to love her. And now – she's had your son."

Nick laughed a little. "My son. I can hardly believe it. We're gonna call him Tony."

Heath chuckled. "I like it. Now, you just need to start looking at that baby like you love him."

Nick realized that Heath would have known how he was feeling by the way he looked at that baby – or didn't look at him. Nick ran a hand through his hair. "It's been a tough day, Heath."

"I know. Tough days happen. It's gonna be tough when Tony has a bad fever, or when he falls off a horse and breaks his arm, or when that girl he has his heart set on marries somebody else."

Nick smiled a little. "To think, I'm learning how to be a father from a man who was raised without one."

Even Heath smiled at that.

Nick said, "That's what it's about, isn't it? Being a father."

Heath slapped him on the back and leaned back in the settee. "Yep. All the rough times and all the happy times. You got a fine son, Nick. He carries good names – his grandfather and his Uncle Jarrod. You'll make sure he lives up to those names, with a little bit of a rogue thrown in."

Nick laughed and clapped Heath on the leg. "I can't wait until you start to have yours."

"Well, now, you might not have to wait all that long."

Nick looked over with raised eyebrows.

Heath smiled. "Maybe only six months or so."

"For real? Suzanne's gonna have a baby?"

Heath nodded. "We were gonna tell everybody as soon as Nancy had her baby. Guess we can do that tonight."

Nick gave a look up the staircase. "Those women are gonna have their hands full for quite a while."

"They won't mind," Heath said.

XXXXXXXX

Night began to creep in. Nick ate a good dinner and enjoyed Heath and Suzanne announcing their good news, but then he went upstairs to be with his wife. Victoria followed, knowing how hard this day had been on her son, wanting to console him and make sure he was all right.

She came into the bedroom as Nick lifted Anthony Jarrod out of the cradle. Nancy had been able to feed him, so they would leave him with her during the night. Nick didn't have to look his mother's way to know who had come in. He straightened up and walked to the window, to watch the colors fade from the sky, to let his son see the sky, to get his bearings again.

Victoria went over to him and touched his back. "Nancy is going to be all right."

"I know, Mother," Nick said, jostling the baby a bit but then looking at his wife. She was so still, and her breathing was so light, but her color was returning. "I know. I'm gonna be all right, too."

"Are you still afraid?"

"I don't know." Nick looked at his son sleeping in his arms. He really didn't know how he felt. He thought that when his son was born, he'd be happier than he'd ever been. He didn't feel like that. He didn't know how he felt, but he didn't feel like that.

"You know," Victoria said, "when you were born, you were very rough on me, too."

Nick looked up at her, surprised.

"Oh, yes," Victoria said. "You were a hard delivery, you were so big. Jarrod, he was a good-sized baby but he was sick from the very first. He'd had breathing problems from the first, and when you were born, we'd just seen him through pneumonia. He nearly died. When you were born, I was already exhausted from caring for him, and here you came – big and loud and ornery. And there I was, just like Nancy, hemorrhaging too much, too weak. Your father was terrified. Jarrod was still sickly – he really didn't get over that until he was a little older. I was trying to care for you when you were so demanding and I was so weak, and Jarrod still needed care."

For a moment, Victoria was very lost in the past, in a time that was only a cloud of a memory for her most of the time but was coming into sharp focus now.

"You get mad at your little ones, Nick. I was mad at you for being so large and noisy and demanding. I was mad at Jarrod for being so sick and making me think I was going to lose him. And may heaven forgive me, there were times I wished you just hadn't been born and added to my burden."

Nick looked away from her, and looked at his son instead.

"Well, Jarrod got well and got stronger, and you began to grow up, and everything began to even out. I often thought of those days, just before we lost your brother. I remembered how mad I was at the two of you, but now I just thank God every minute that I had Jarrod as long as I did." Her voice caught. She took a deep breath and smiled. "And I thank God every minute that you grew strong and stayed as noisy as you ever were. Oh, Nick, I know you resent Tony right now because of what's happening to Nancy, but your feelings will change. As things even out – as you see the boy and the man he becomes – you'll be grateful for every day you have him in your life. I promise you that."

Nick looked at his son. Anthony Jarrod was waking up, moving around, shaking his fists and yawning. It actually made Nick laugh a little. Then the baby opened his eyes. He seemed to be looking at his father, strong and steady for the first time. His eyes were big and blue and Nick finally just melted. He kissed Tony on his forehead. The baby yawned wide again.

"He is awful cute, isn't he?" Nick asked.

"He's beautiful," Victoria said. "Just like his father was."

Nick leaned over and kissed his mother's forehead. "Thank you, Mother. I love you." Then he looked at the baby in his arms again. "I love you too, Tony."

He kissed the baby on his forehead. Tony gurgled and kept staring at his father.

Nick felt himself begin to cry even though he was smiling. "I really do."

The End


End file.
